he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
FUCK WHALES
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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