I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
