After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
