I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
