Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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