I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
