I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize