my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
