I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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