he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
