yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
