and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
