Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
