The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
