I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
