Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
