Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize