Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
