So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
