I skipped work to stalk him.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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