You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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