I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
