dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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