I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
