There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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