Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
