Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
