dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i already hear my dad disowning me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
