Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
