laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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