I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
