dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
