I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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