you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
