My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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