he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
