first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
