I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
