We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm always down for nudity.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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