best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
