Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
