giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize