I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
