forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
