please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
