Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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