between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
