she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
