Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
