He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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