My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize