I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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