im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
