he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
