btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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