this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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