the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize