Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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