I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this just has baby written all over it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
