Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
