this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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