i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The beer is more important than you right now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
