I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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