..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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