Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
