Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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