Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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