I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How does one acquire holy water?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
