I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
