he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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