I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pants are for mortals
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
