Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
