your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
