maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
