Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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