Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
