he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
