I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
