Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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