You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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