we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
