Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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