I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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