dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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