My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
