we have officially lost it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
