Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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