shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
home. puking in laundry basket.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize