so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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