remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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