I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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