The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
