the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
