my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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