So drunk its hurt
My hand turned me down
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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