Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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