She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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