This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize