oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
