I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
