Tell her she can't have a vagina
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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