I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
