Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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