Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
