8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
whose parrot is this?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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