Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
