when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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