I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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