Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
