haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
two words...techno handjob
then he tried to convert me to islam
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize