Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
