Define "chronic" masturbator.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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