No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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