party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
