Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
